She wonders why her mind does this…
It feels like it WANTS to hurt her;
Letting her thoughts run away with her,
Finding comfort in imagined people,
And situations that can’t possibly happen.
She tries, my God does she try?!
Reaching so far,
Mustering the uninhibited, carefree lightness
Of her childhood only to fall flat!
The bounce back is delayed…
Instead, the red pigment smears itself across her face –
The stain of embarrassment.
How is it that we know when something is missing?
You fall on a state of emptiness,
Finding yourself grabbling for something that isn’t there.
Is it your body that is crying out?
You hear your voice, but for a long time you don’t even recognise it.
It sounds like the voice of someone you’ve forgotten.
A gaping hole in the shape of a person far away;
Of times lost and changed emotions.
Chunks of light find their way through,
Highlighting exactly what she can’t see.
Yes, the mind can create it with beauty and flourish,
Detailing a world that you can only dream of.
Imagination flitters, the picture wobbles;
Casting doubt before leaving her.
“When are you coming back?”
It hangs in the air, suspended in time and quivering with hope.
A rare moment of tranquil beauty,
Alive in stillness, she catches the sun setting;
But as her head turns, her eyes meet nothing
Leaving a solitary tear to fall into the abyss.
She wipes it away with desperate anguish
Before anyone can notice.
Her heart knows what’s missing,
And one day she will allow herself to admit it too.